Parenthood is definitely a new experience for me and i'm sure many new parents would say it's rewarding but also a learning experience. One thing though, being a new parent and getting to know a new person that is your child you start to gain a certain confidence in know what he/she wants. Whether it's "mommy i'm hungry" or extreme tiredness, or even a messy diaper, we all get to a point as parents that we feel that we "know" what our child is asking for.
However, in some cases according to our parents, grandparents & elders, and every woman that has had a child before you, they think we haven't got the slightest clue and may even give off the perception that they feel we are incompetent for the job. At times I'm not sure whether to brush it off or be pissed off at the constant "advice".
I'll give you a few examples in my case: It's 80 degrees out; "put a hat on him or he'll catch the colic", " put socks on him, or he'll catch the colic"; "don't turn on that fan or he'll catch the colic"; "he looks fat you sure he needs to eat that much?" ; "Your breast milk is giving him gas, he's gonna catch the colic"; and it goes on and on. Well first off, if your still saying that a child can "catch the colic", you have already lost creditability with me especially because you showing the last time you updated your train of thought in reference to children hasn't been in decades; especially since you can't "catch it", doctors actually don't know what causes it. Secondly, give me some credit of anticipating my child's needs, i mean I DID carry him for 9+ months. Thirdly, times have and will continue to change in regards to children so it's you and not me that needs to adapt. These are things that run through my head, but the LAST thing I want to say to these people because I know they have the best intentions....So what do you do?
Giving and taking advice is such a touchy subject sometime, because to often people feel that just because you give advice the person has to take it. Sometimes depending on the person giving it, we the person receiving feels that we have an obligation to take the advice and use it exactly how it was given. Well after this month of advice and commands being throw out in the open in regards to my own child, i have come up with a fool proof resolution. A resolution that will allow that person to still feel needed and for you the parent to not feel guilty and to be confident in your decisions.
When embarking in a new journey, it's always good to do research yourself on the path you are about to embark on. There are tons of books and websites accessible to new parents to see what information has changed and what pertains to their child. The more you know, the more you can decipher through which advice you want to take and/or how you want to modify it. Then if someone gives you dated information or advice, you can use it as a time to educate the other person on the updated research.
For example: "You can just have the baby sleep with you guys in the bed, that's what we did when you were younger" Response: " Really? Well unfortunately new research has come out stating that having him sleep with us can result in SIDS, and that's just not a gamble that we're willing to take. But i really appreciate your advice on that"
Show them that you have a valid reason for not taking their advice, but you appreciate it nonetheless.
Also people give advice to feel needed and credible, try beating them to the chase. Figure out what you do find them credible in; for example: Where to find cheap baby gear, What age to potty train, or even family friendly restaurant locations. Ask them their advice about those specific topics at the beginning of your visit and i guarantee enough of that and the unwanted advice will slow down if not stop, in return you preserve your relationship and you sanity.
A child is such a blessing and many people are affected by their lights that they bring. Make it a joyous occasion for everyone even if the other party is being a party pooper, by planning ahead and setting expectations... until next time....
